Ever since my dad was taken away, I dread Father's Day. All the cards and the celebrating dad is hard when you don't have one anymore. Yes, the reason why my dad isn't here is valid and I agree he shouldn't be here but it's still tough. Yes, I know my Heavenly Father is always there for me but I need that physical relationship...ya know?
This year has been harder than the past five. I have cried everyday since Wednesday. Between graduating high school, turning 18, and getting ready for college...it's been tough not having my dad here. I'm not good with transitions or change in general. Since my dad was taken away, my brother has stepped up to the plate and became the man of the house. Always protecting us, locking the doors whenever we're home, being the handyman around the house full of girls (lets face it, we have no idea what tools to use or how to fix anything broken) but somehow my brother does and he hasn't had a male figure to teach him...maybe its a boy thing? Anyway, my brother and I are super close...we always have been, always will be. Since we were little we would build forts, play legos, play on the dirt hill we used to have in the backyard before it turned into an ant hill. I'm pretty sure it's not easy living with all girls but my brother has never complained...at least not out loud. haha. Today broke my heart though. During church i saw his eyes watering (which if you know my brother, he doesn't show emotion). I hate seeing my brother hurt because it makes me hurt with him. While we were singing in church I broke down and started crying. It's just hard because we did nothing to deserve this. It hurts that my brother never had a good male role model to look up to. All of the men in his life after my dad was taken away that told him they were going to do things with him or be there for him never have...they always left or stopped talking to him and i feel so bad. I told him I'll always be there for him but it's not the same.
My mom has done wonders for our family. She not only stopped the abuse but she took on the role of both parents. Yes it has been a challenge but I know she wouldn't take it back for anything. We have all grown stronger not only as individuals, but also as a family. A couple days after my dad was taken away, I had to have surgery to get my appendix taken out.....talk about bad timing. But once again, my mom never complained. My mom doesn't nearly get enough credit for what she does. Throughout this whole trial in our lives, she always kept her eyes on God and always did her best no matter how exhausted she was. I hope one day I can be like her. The strength and faith she has is remarkable and the courage and endurance she has is unbelievable.
This past year I met a guy who quickly became my father figure. When I met Brant and started getting close to him and January all I could think about is "great, just more people that are going to be there for me one day and walk right out of my life the next..." Boy was I wrong. Since my dad was taken away, I've always been sketchy about males. I only trusted my brother and my brother only. When I saw a male, all I could see was who my dad was...no matter if they were a big teddy bear or not. I was scared. Brant changed that for me. Brant taught me how men are supposed to behave, he taught me forgiveness, how I should expect to be treated like a princess and so much more. He became the dad I never had and was more of a dad to me in a year than my father was in 13. He's taken me in and loved me like one of his own. I know that no matter what, if I need him he'll be there and that means the world to me since my dad never was.
Today was probably the best Father's Day I've had. I'm so thankful for the people that are in my life at this moment and will continue to be because we're family and I wouldn't change that for anything. Ohana means family, and family means nobody is ever left behind or forgotten.
No comments:
Post a Comment